Tommy 2.0

   Back in early Spring 2015 I inadvertently stumbled across a Twitter account, the likes of which I'd never seen before and have seldom seen since. The account in question,  @Sportproducertv , was a concoction of my 3 favourite things in the world; football, puns and an combination of football and puns.    I felt an instant attraction to the inventive TV show titles and equally whacky premises being served up. The fact it focused on football players, past or present, just added to the arousal of the inner geek in me.    BABBSTATION, submitted by @tompugh90, was a personal favourite of mine, a show in which ' ex-Liverpool defender Phil Babb answers your calls and gyrates for your pleasure '.    With the bar set high and my juices flowing, I whiled away a lazy Sunday afternoon dreaming up a 6-a-side teams worth of submissions. The fruits of my labour were thus: MILLS ON WHEELS: Danny Mills traces the history of the Fer...

   In this post, I'll be discussing a unique and inspired sitcom idea that I had with my good friend, and South America travel companion, James.    The idea was conceived in the midst of a hellish 43 hour bus ride between Ecuador and Peru. Could we, two middle class fuddy-duddies, born and raised on separate sides of the Watford Gap, compose a piece about the second coming of Christ? Of course we could... The Plot Manchester, 1994* Following the demise of the Madchester scene, Chris Turley and Tony Digest, perennial party people, attempt to go cold turkey. Tony vigorously sticks to his abstinence, terrified of the repercussions of Mary, his girlfriend. Chris, however, struggles and it's not long until he's bouncing off the walls again in The Haçienda . With clarity restored (and coinciding with the much-anticipated release of The Stone Roses  Second Coming album), Tony begins to notice strange and mysterious similarities between Chris's lif...

   The time has come to put ink to quill, and subsequently quill to paper, metaphorically speaking. Now that Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day are out of the way, I can get back to where I left off in 2014. The last 745 days haven't passed without incident. Far from it... 2015 - I turned 28 - Took a trip to the land down under - Finally won employee of the month outright - Rode shotgun along The Autobahn - Lost my wallet on a train - Celebrated turning 28 1/2 - Bore witness to the magic of the FA Cup - Burnt a chocolate bar in a microwave - Hit up NYC 2016 - Turned 29 - Wrote a new poem (see below) - Failed to master Spanish - Voted 'Remain' - Explored South America - Spent a harrowing 43 hours on a single bus journey - Made it to 29 1/2 - Trekked Machu Picchu - Climbed Colca Canyon - Walked a Puma - Retrieved my stolen wallet in a nightclub (the replacement wallet to that mentioned above) - Expe...

...Mistletoe and Wine, Who's watching Michael Heseltine? With his dog on the fire, cos it shat on the tree,  Time to get Anne to make him some tea. No idea what Cliff meant by any of that, but it does make me feel festive. Truth be told, I actually love this time of year. Without breaking into song again, it's time to both reflect and look to the future. If 2014 has taught me one thing, it has to be the hours you can save opening a pizza correctly: For me, pre-2014 pizza delivery always involved scissors, which in turn always involved finding scissors and not running whilst holding them. Little did I know about the other technique, akin to opening a packet of pre-washed baby leaf spinach, until my parents sat me down and pointed out my shortcomings. Whilst this alone provides me with the essentials to make it in the big wide world, there's no point getting ahead of myself. Priorities for 2015 include overcoming my fear of the bell not sounding when I pr...

...isn't something to be sniffed at. Just because I wasn't good enough to win it outright doesn't make me sad in the slightest. So when the honour was bestowed upon Internet Enquiries earlier this year, in one of the summer months' beginning with 'J', I was pleasantly surprised. Fast forward to November, a month beginning with 'N' that falls somewhere in the middle of autumn, and we'd finally settled on a location for our victory meal. It was a triple celebration for myself, having of course also won Morsel of the Month in September and having had a haircut in October. The meal itself went off without a hitch. We even found someone with a disposable camera to take a picture of us... The team: circa 1996/97 - 2014 ...I only managed a starter and main myself, but had a lovely selection of cheese and crackers waiting for me on my return home. It's at this juncture I feel it appropriate to plot my 2014 achievements on a line gra...

...can often be a harshly overlooked specimen. Walk down any high street in the western world, minus Canada , and chances are you'll pass by a 3 course meal/6 course tasting menu, albeit one made of scraps and other unwanted or misplaced treats. Sadly, the story of these pieces of waste are seldom told. That is until now! Thanks to Russ and Tom, two frontrunners in the world of discarded food poetry, we're starting see a host of young Byron's from all walks of life chart the rise, and often tragic falls, of a whole manner of food stuff. I present to you Leftovers . With a 7 step rule plan to adhere to, you simply find yourself a tragic case of grub in the street, capture the evidence and write the back story, with the aim of satisfying a 120-strong audience. My first attempt, included below for your satisfaction, symbolises the immediate aftermath of a long overdrawn breakup (in tortilla chip form.) Despite being overlooked for August's 'Morsel of the Month...

...charts a young thespians journey, half a decade in the making. But whom? Well, to answer that question I refer you back to the first word in the title...'My'. From humble advertisement beginnings to voice-over work, through charity and live action gigs, what you're about to witness shows the diversity, dare I say genius, that I've sprinkled on an array of roles. Legally, I must say that I don't own the rights, nor will I ever, to any of these pieces of art. Oh, except for the last one, which I conceived, relentlessly planned, shot and acted in myself on the tightest of budgets. Enjoy... 1. Background Filmed during one night in a museum , unlike the lying Ben Stiller franchise, I got my big break in a 'supporting artiste' role. You won't have to keep your eyes peeled for long, as I nonchalantly dominate the picture from 00.04, even if I do say so myself. Fleeting glimpses follow, but don't let that distract you from the real scene stealer at 0...