Tommy 2.0

...Mistletoe and Wine, Who's watching Michael Heseltine? With his dog on the fire, cos it shat on the tree,  Time to get Anne to make him some tea. No idea what Cliff meant by any of that, but it does make me feel festive. Truth be told, I actually love this time of year. Without breaking into song again, it's time to both reflect and look to the future. If 2014 has taught me one thing, it has to be the hours you can save opening a pizza correctly: For me, pre-2014 pizza delivery always involved scissors, which in turn always involved finding scissors and not running whilst holding them. Little did I know about the other technique, akin to opening a packet of pre-washed baby leaf spinach, until my parents sat me down and pointed out my shortcomings. Whilst this alone provides me with the essentials to make it in the big wide world, there's no point getting ahead of myself. Priorities for 2015 include overcoming my fear of the bell not sounding when I pr...

...isn't something to be sniffed at. Just because I wasn't good enough to win it outright doesn't make me sad in the slightest. So when the honour was bestowed upon Internet Enquiries earlier this year, in one of the summer months' beginning with 'J', I was pleasantly surprised. Fast forward to November, a month beginning with 'N' that falls somewhere in the middle of autumn, and we'd finally settled on a location for our victory meal. It was a triple celebration for myself, having of course also won Morsel of the Month in September and having had a haircut in October. The meal itself went off without a hitch. We even found someone with a disposable camera to take a picture of us... The team: circa 1996/97 - 2014 ...I only managed a starter and main myself, but had a lovely selection of cheese and crackers waiting for me on my return home. It's at this juncture I feel it appropriate to plot my 2014 achievements on a line gra...

...can often be a harshly overlooked specimen. Walk down any high street in the western world, minus Canada , and chances are you'll pass by a 3 course meal/6 course tasting menu, albeit one made of scraps and other unwanted or misplaced treats. Sadly, the story of these pieces of waste are seldom told. That is until now! Thanks to Russ and Tom, two frontrunners in the world of discarded food poetry, we're starting see a host of young Byron's from all walks of life chart the rise, and often tragic falls, of a whole manner of food stuff. I present to you Leftovers . With a 7 step rule plan to adhere to, you simply find yourself a tragic case of grub in the street, capture the evidence and write the back story, with the aim of satisfying a 120-strong audience. My first attempt, included below for your satisfaction, symbolises the immediate aftermath of a long overdrawn breakup (in tortilla chip form.) Despite being overlooked for August's 'Morsel of the Month...

...charts a young thespians journey, half a decade in the making. But whom? Well, to answer that question I refer you back to the first word in the title...'My'. From humble advertisement beginnings to voice-over work, through charity and live action gigs, what you're about to witness shows the diversity, dare I say genius, that I've sprinkled on an array of roles. Legally, I must say that I don't own the rights, nor will I ever, to any of these pieces of art. Oh, except for the last one, which I conceived, relentlessly planned, shot and acted in myself on the tightest of budgets. Enjoy... 1. Background Filmed during one night in a museum , unlike the lying Ben Stiller franchise, I got my big break in a 'supporting artiste' role. You won't have to keep your eyes peeled for long, as I nonchalantly dominate the picture from 00.04, even if I do say so myself. Fleeting glimpses follow, but don't let that distract you from the real scene stealer at 0...

...can only mean one thing, at an average of one every 22 days, 5 hours and 20 minutes, I've smashed the 10 blog post milestone. What a return!* There's a trio of world issues to quickly cover before we get down to the nitty gritty: 1) Conflict in the Middle East - that needs sorting out 2) The Gremlin in the Kremlin - who does he think he is? 3) Depression - it was incredibly sad to hear about Robin Williams last week. My favourite turn of his was as bearded psychologist Dr. Sean Maguire in Good Will Hunting I often ponder what my contribution to the world will be; Will it be interpretive t-shirt dancing ? It almost certainly won't be Shredteas . Could it perhaps be the below? A Tommy tickling of both science and business... A while ago now I purchased a Guinea Pig called Jimmyboy Sheridan, a name he'd given himself. I'd heard this particular strand of the pig family were useful to have around when it came to conducting experiments, of which I...

...and all you got was this lousy blog post! Count yourselves lucky. Where to start? Well firstly, this has been the best World Cup in living memory. To put that into context, I started remembering World Cup's around 1998. On the horizon are some massive  semis , the hardest of which is probably Brazil's. Given how far each team has 'cum' though, they'll all be looking at their respective ' drawers ' with a big grin etched across their faces. That's enough rubbish cock innuendos for one day! I spent two weeks in  Ceará , the self-proclaimed ' County Durham of Brazil '. It's nickname concerns the geographical location rather than any regional dialect. To be fair, I understood more of what was being said here than the last time I visited the birthplace of modern English mustard in the North East of England. I even learnt a new phrase,  escovar os dentes . No idea why people kept shouting it at me though. Upon my voyage I was accompanied...

...hence my absence from the blogosphere. My tale begins last month, or April as it's more commonly known. I was in front of the TV, in the midst of a lovely bacon sandwich, when Sunday Politics hot-shot Andrew Neil announced my name in reference to the Labour Party (who I'd never heard of). On swallowing my crust I immediately thought to myself...why? Sure, upcoming elections had been in the news but had I missed the memo? Was I involved? Was I unwittingly being ushered into the murky underworld of politics against my will, like so many of the buffoons on the news? Or had I completely misread the situation again, as per one or two of my previous blog posts? Naturally I assumed it was the former. My first port of call was to Google myself to see if this would shed any light. Attention was immediately drawn to a Wikipedia page who's name bore resemblance to my own. The title simply read ' Tom Greatrex '. I hadn't warranted a page before so what had c...