Skip to main content

Who The Fuck...

...is Tommy Greatrex then, really? In one way or another I've been asking myself this question all my life, yet still I find myself nowhere near an answer. If, for some reason, you've read either of my first two blog posts* you're probably just as confused as I am.

Based on what I've been told at various times in my life, by different people who may or may not have liked me, I sometimes vaguely look a bit like 'ginger' and 'not so ginger' celebrities. Out of all this hearsay I've created a sliding scale that I like to call The sliding scale of Tommy Greatrex-ness. See Exhibit 1A.

Originally existing solely in my mind, the sliding scale allows me to plot my physical appearance and current state of mind twofold:

1) How ginger I feel in myself (flowing from left to right) 
2) How stressed I feel with life (flowing from the outside in)

To save any confusion, as it can be a bit of a mindbender, the scale can be seen in a physical format above for you to peruse at your leisure. 

It shouldn't be forgotten, however, that sometimes I go off piste (vague Winter Olympics reference) and will don myself a baseball cap. You'd have thought this in itself would require a whole new sliding scale of Tommy Greatrex-ness but luckily for me there's wheelchair bound lad in the rather good BBC sitcom Bad Education who couldn't be more spot on, so I just try and mimic him.


Taking the above out of the equation and just focussing on what I've been up to in recent weeks, I've mainly been a customer advisor for Audi/Aldi (the one that does the cars!) Vorsprung Durch Technik!

This slightly strange turn of events is quite ironic given my own track record with the 4-wheeled machine. All I'll say is you've not quite experienced humiliation until you've failed your driving test, with 4 majors and 15 minors (which technically is another major), in half the time it would take a normal person to complete their test.

Enough about me though, in my next post I'll be reviewing Potdog, the bunless hotdog, and also creating my very own alternative meal, using only Shreddies and a cup of tea. I won't give too much away on that though now.

*Check me out with a subtle yet delightful link back to previous posts. Go on, have a look when you get a chance. 353 Days Until Christmas... and The Difficult Second Blog Post...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Calling All Office Fans

    Who's been to the Coventry Conference? Ah yes, the fictional Coventry Conference, co-ordinated by the equally fictional Eric Hitchmough . A man whom I've never fictionally met, or even seen, yet know so much about. From his little withered hand, the wanking claw , to his signature catchphrase, ' I don't agree with that in the workplace !' Eric is... and that is what I want.    If I've lost you, I can only assume you're not quite the fan of The Office that I called for in the title of this post, or I'm not the writer that I think I am! Allow me to explain...    T he Office is the single greatest sitcom of all time, sure, so it makes sense for it's legion of fans to have a social outlet to congregate and quote the show to their heart's content. The Facebook group ' Do You Not Know Who ERIC HITCHMOUGH Is' ,  DYNKWEHI , provides such a platform.    With it's mix of quality quoting, imaginative imagery and creative commenting,...

Dad's Got Kidney Stones...

...which is insensitive of him to say the least. Free lifts to work are completely out of the window for next few weeks, and whilst he struggles through a simple out patient procedure, I've got to get up 45 minutes earlier to catch the bus. That's 5 whole snoozes on a standard alarm clock. Talking of work, there's been some exciting developments in the past month. I'm now 99% certain that it's Audi who employ me and not Aldi , although the fact both are German still leaves me with that indistinguishable nagging doubt.  Secondly, as of next week, ' Tommy the weird temp ' becomes ' Tommy the permanent ' in a new role. It's a radical shake-up, the likes of which haven't been seen on these shores since March 19th 2014. I am of course referring here to Cliff D'Arcy's use of the term 'biggest shake-up' in a headline about  budgets and pensions . It might just be me, but since my meteoric rise through the ranks of the ...

"Do Another Blog Post"...

...was the strange demand I thought I heard today, as I walked past a rabble of hoodlums on my way to the Co-op to buy a pre-packaged sandwich for work tomorrow. "OK" I replied nervously, without really considering if I either wanted to or had the time. What followed was a more aggressive "Do another fucking blog post!", from a knife-wielding member of the group. It was at this point I realised I had my headphones in and couldn't make out what they'd actually been saying. I quickened my pace, in fear I'd misread the situation completely and they were high and wanted to sexually abuse me. Given that my blog only has 4 followers it is likely they were talking about something else entirely, but the thought of doing another post had been implanted and as I walked a different route home it was all I could think about. I recalled foolishly mentioning in my my last post that I'd review Potdog , the bunless hotdog, and also create my very own alternati...